01
What is a bachelorette party, in four lines
The short answer before the details.
- What it is
- A party for the brideThrown by her friends before the wedding, from one night out to a weekend away
- Who hosts
- The maid of honorWith the bridesmaids. The bride decides whether she wants one and who comes
- Who comes
- Close friendsOften eight to twelve people, and only guests invited to the wedding
- What it costs
- $1,060 medianA two night trip per guest across this site's city estimates. A local night out costs far less
02
What happens at a bachelorette party
Popular ways to celebrate, from a local night to a destination weekend.
A night out in the bride's city
Dinner, drinks and dancing with friends, planned around a private dining room or a reserved table.
A destination weekend
Two nights in another city with a rented house or hotel, one main activity, a group dinner and a night out. See bachelorette party destinations.
A spa or wellness trip
Massages, a pool, yoga and a long dinner for a relaxed celebration.
A themed party
A disco, last rodeo or last splash party with a dress code and decorations. See bachelorette party themes.
Activities and games
A boat day, a cooking class, a winery tour, karaoke, and a game or two about the bride.
A low key night in
A pajama party, a private chef dinner or a movie night at home.
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Bachelorette party, bachelor party, hen do
Three names for closely related parties.
| Bachelorette party | Bachelor party | Hen do | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Held for | The bride | The groom | The bride, under the British name |
| Organized by | The maid of honor | The best man | The chief bridesmaid |
| Who pays | Each guest for herself; the group covers the bride | The same arrangement | Guests generally pay their own way |
| Gifts | None expected | None expected | None expected |
The event people actually confuse it with is the bridal shower, which is a different thing entirely: daytime, family and older guests included, one host who pays for everything, and a gift from every person in the room. The shower side of the site covers that.
04
Who plans a bachelorette party, and who does what
Four roles, and each one has a clear job.
The bride decides two things
Whether she wants a bachelorette party at all, and who is invited. She does not choose the city, the house, the itinerary or the theme, and a host who asks her about all of it has handed her a second job three months before her wedding.
The maid of honor organizes it
She sets the date, quotes a per-head number, books the stay and holds the group together on the night. It works best as one named person rather than a committee.
The bridesmaids share the work, not just the cost
Co-organizing works best when one person owns the guest list, one owns the bookings and one owns the money, named in writing.
The guests pay their own way and turn up
Travel, a share of the house, food, their own drinks, and a share of whatever the group has agreed to cover for the bride. No gift, and no obligation to say yes.
05
What a bachelorette party costs a guest
Roughly the average of this site's 47 city estimates, for nine guests over two nights. A Revelwick estimate, not a quote.
$340
The house, split
One whole-home rental divided by the group. The only line that gets cheaper as more people come.
$310
Getting there
Flights or the drive. Travel does not divide across the group, and it is the reason a cheap city is not automatically a cheap party.
$260
Food, three days
Two dinners, a long lunch, and groceries for the house.
$190
The Saturday night
Drinks, a cover charge, and whatever the group decided to do after dinner.
$1,100
All in, per guest
Add about $130 a head if the group is covering the bride's share.
Across the cities this site prices, the per head estimate runs from $740 to $1,690, and nights, flights and added activities move it more than the choice of city.
1
Person books, fronts and chases
Usually the maid of honor.
Not the bride, not her family, and not a group decision. One person books, fronts the deposits and carries the group chat, so settle early who that person is and what the group will cover.
06
A guide to bachelorette parties
History, who is invited, who pays, timing, location, themes and planning tips.
A bachelorette party is a celebration held for a woman who is about to be married, thrown by her friends before the wedding. It can be a night out, a spa day or a weekend trip, and the point is the same: time for the bride with the friends she is closest to before the big day.
History and other names
As Wikipedia summarizes it, the bachelorette party is modeled on the much older bachelor party, which began as a dinner given by the groom for his friends before the wedding. The American bachelorette party was uncommon until at least the mid-1980s, and the first book on planning one was published in 1998. The same party is called a hen do or hen night in the United Kingdom and Ireland, a hens party in Australia and New Zealand, and occasionally a stagette in Canada.
Who to invite, and who not to
Invite the bridesmaids, the bride's closest friends and any sisters or cousins she is close to. Everyone invited should also be invited to the wedding. It is fine to leave out coworkers, family members the bride would not want at a night out, and anyone who would make the celebration feel like an obligation. The bride has the final say on the guest list.
Who pays
Each guest pays her own travel, her share of the accommodations, food and drinks, and the group splits the bride's share. The couple does not pay for the bachelorette party, and guests do not bring gifts. See who pays for the bachelorette party.
When to have it
About one to three months before the wedding, and not in the final week. Send the date and the cost per person early, so guests can plan travel and time off.
Choosing a location and accommodations
A local celebration keeps costs low and lets more friends attend. A destination adds flights and a place to stay, so book the rental house or hotel rooms first, with enough beds for the group and a location close to dinner and the night out. Consider what the bride enjoys: a beach, a city, the mountains or a spa.
To theme or not to theme
A theme adds fun photos and an easy dress code, but it is optional. If the bride wants one, keep it to two colors and one item guests already own.
Planning tips
Ask the bride what she wants before planning anything. Set the budget per person first, then choose the location, the date and one main activity. Share one plan with the cost, the payment date and what is covered, and leave free time in the schedule. The how to plan a bachelorette party page covers the full timeline.
Bachelorette party or bridal shower?
A bridal shower is a daytime party hosted for the bride, with family and older friends invited and a gift from every guest. A bachelorette party is a night or weekend with friends, paid for by the guests, with no gifts. Many brides have both, and some have only one.
Do you have to have one?
No. Some brides skip it, and a simple dinner with close friends or a one night celebration in the bride's own city is a good alternative. Ask her privately, since saying no can feel rude.
Ask the bride first. Then the budget, then the place.
The planning ruleWhere to start
07
What is a bachelorette party: answered
The questions people ask when they are invited to one or planning one.
What is a bachelorette party?
A party thrown for a bride by her friends before the wedding, from a night out to a weekend trip.
It is also called a hen do or hen party in the UK and Ireland.
What do you do at a bachelorette party?
Dinner, drinks and dancing, a spa day, a boat day, a class or a game about the bride, and on a trip, a group dinner and a night out.
The bride's preferences decide.
Who throws the bachelorette party?
The maid of honor, with the bridesmaids.
The bride decides whether she wants one and who comes.
Who is invited to a bachelorette party?
The bride's closest friends, the bridesmaids and family members she is close to.
Only people invited to the wedding.
Who pays for a bachelorette party?
Each guest pays her own way, and the group splits the bride's share.
The couple does not pay.
How long is a bachelorette party?
One night for a local celebration, or a two night weekend for a trip.
Longer trips cost more for every guest.
When should a bachelorette party be?
About one to three months before the wedding.
Avoid the final week.
Do you bring a gift to a bachelorette party?
No. Gifts go to the bridal shower and the wedding.
Some groups bring a small gift for the bride, which is optional.
What is the difference between a bachelorette party and a bridal shower?
A shower is a daytime party with family and gifts, hosted for the bride. A bachelorette party is a night or trip with friends, paid for by the guests.
Some brides have both.
What is a destination bachelorette party?
A bachelorette party where the group travels to another city for a weekend.
It adds flights and a place to stay.
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What to read next
The three questions that follow this one, in the order people usually ask them.
09
Where this comes from
The history and names are as summarized by Wikipedia. The costs are Revelwick estimates.
What the figures are
Every cost on this page is a Revelwick editorial estimate for a group of about nine over two nights. It is a starting point for a budget conversation rather than a quote, and prices move, so check the current price before you book anything.
Sources
The history of the bachelorette party and its other names are as summarized in Wikipedia's article on the bachelorette party.